The position that humans are not animals could only be held true in the arms of a virgin. I see that now as I whimper into a patch of pillows, arms and legs searching for the lady who’s left for home.
It’s as if I’ve unlearned myself. Before I was my only world.
...
Lost
lost
lost
What do I do now? There’s nothing now that I want that I can give myself. I’ve never been bored of myself before, bored of being alone.
Everything told me it’d be like this, every work of art that followed in the footsteps of scrawls on cave walls. I didn’t believe it. I thought I was something else, so much that they thought so too.
Is it true? That I might be just like everyone? That I can feel the things they feel, and in the way they feel them?
...
I felt
Dry in my mouth all the way down to my stomach, I felt like a darted submarine sinking past crush depth, and more than anything I felt white with fire, like I felt everything I was supposed to feel my whole life all at once.
I couldn’t
Breathe enough, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t believe that it was happening to me and that I was happening to someone else. I still
can’t
think, like if a haze seeped in my head, I can’t stop thinking, I can’t move because
mentally and physically
I’m still there
where she left me,
in the bed
like a fool, or a puppy, pawing at the door.